er.... hellooooo!!!

*nothing but empty echoes* 

*tumbleweeds blow by* 

*thick dust covers everything* 

*there is a family of mice nesting in the corner* 

Well, anyway, you get the idea. Hi. It's been a while.

Almost four months since I last blogged! 

This was not intentional. It never is.

It just... happens.

So much has happened in the last few months that when I look back on the last time I blogged it seems like ages ago, a completely different season of life.

December came with all it's usual craziness and hecticity (if that's not a word, it should be. I'm going with it.); the kids and I changed churches, leaving the one I had gone to for almost 13 years, the one where they were all baptized, where Jeremy and I met and were married; the holidays came and went but in a very different way... I can't even really explain it; family came and stayed with us and more busy-ness (wonderful as it was) ensued; there was sickness and teething and sleepless nights; birthdays galore happened; school fell by the wayside in the midst of all this and I started to feel very behind and very exhausted and overwhelmed; and then, just when we were starting to get back into a normal routine and figure life out again, we found a house to rent, packed up six-and-a-half years worth of stuff in two weeks and moved into a new place. And here we are, a month after that move, still working on getting settled but grateful to be where we are-- in more ways than one.

Whew.

So many life-changing things squeezed into such a short amount of time. I realize there's not a lot of detail in there, and it's the barest bones description of those happenings that I could possibly give you-- when really, some of those things could be a lengthy blog post all their own. 

I think that's one reason I've shied away from blogging. Sometimes, I'm not sure what to share. Obviously, there are things about my life that I choose not to talk about on here, just as we all do, for whatever our own personal reasons may be. That's ok. But sometimes it stunts our ability to share anything at all. It's hard to find the balance. That line between being honest and real, and over-sharing possibly to the detriment of others is a fine one. I'm not sure I always know how to walk it.

I've also struggled with why I still want to blog. Why should I even write posts? In the blogging world everyone has a niche, it seems. What's mine?

Fashion? ha!

Cooking and baking? Maybe once upon a time. But nowadays if I make the time to cook and bake (which I still love to do), I'm darn well not going to have the time to blog about it too!

Crafts? ha, I say, again!

Decorating, cleaning, and organizing tips? why, do YOU have some? I'll take them, please. I need all the help I can get.

Eating healthy? Exercising? This one gets a double ha. HA! HA!

Homeschooling? I'm doing my best. I still love it. But I'm not exactly poised to inspire anyone to greatness in this area.

I don't have an Etsy shop. My pictures are nothing by which to be amazed (they're literally all phone pictures these days. Not even kidding.) I haven't read any wonderful life-changing books lately that I can share with you all. I'm not one of those moms who has the gift for writing just the right post that every other mom needed to read. I'm not even especially eloquent these days. 

I was thinking about all of these things, and here is where I realized that what was standing in my way was pride. I never would have said this in so many words, and I probably really didn't even think it this way, but essentially this is what my attitude toward blogging had become:

"If I can't write or share something that will be considered cool, or awesome, or inspiring, or creative, or {insert great adjective here} then I guess I just won't bother at all."

And I'm not going to lie, I'd love for people to love my posts. Why share things in a public place at all if you don't want it to be seen and enjoyed and become a part of someone else? I like the community, connection, and camaraderie that things like facebook, instagram, and blogging have as a part of them. It's special to me. And who doesn't like knowing  that the people you admire also admire you?

But I want to blog for reasons other than those. I want to share things in this space because when I do, a part of my life and the life of my family is put down in words and pictures, and that is a precious thing. In looking back through some of my archives, I realized that there are moments I wrote about that, had I not put them here, they would be lost forever. Forgotten. I can't let go of that and quit capturing things here in this place. 

So that is what I will do. I will write from the place of who I am, which is quite simply a wife who loves her husband, even when marriage is messy and hard.

A folder of laundry, a doer of endless mind-numbing chores, and someone who sometimes binges on too much tv.

A woman who loves my home and wants to make it as lovely a place as I can for my beloved family and friends. Someone who will share that home with others even if there are graham cracker crumbs on the couch, dishes on the counter, and spots on the floor.

Someone who will sometimes make pancakes for dinner at 7:30 at night because it's been one of those days, and will feel no shame, because a proper healthy home-cooked meal is just not always in the cards.

A mommy who doesn't always have it together, barely gets by on some days, messes up from time to time, gets weary and discouraged, and feels in over her head sometimes. A mommy who needs grace every single day.  A mommy who loves her four kids more than words can even say and cherishes that she gets to be with them, even on the very worst day.

Someone who wants to share moments and memories like these: our first fire in our new home and the cozy peace it brought as they all sat in front of the fireplace. We ate sandwiches and popcorn for dinner on a blanket, and then they all brought pillows and books to read while Bennett made sure we all knew, again and again, that the fire was "hot. hot. hot." as he pointed with his little fingers.

These are the days. I will do my best to make sure they are never forgotten. And if God uses this little life of mine to inspire or bring joy to someone else along the way, well then, wonderful. I hope and pray He does. 

Either way, I still know I'll smile when I read these posts and see these pictures someday. 

sometimes...

...I walk around all day singing bits and pieces of Disney songs. I tell myself it's for the kids (because I'm convinced that they LOVE it. They do. I know they do.), but really, I just like thinking I sound like a princess.

...I want to make a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese, and then eat the whole thing, all by myself. I've never actually done it. But someday I think I will.

...I like to add sparkles (I know, "bokeh" is the proper term, but to me they look like sparkles, so sparkles they shall be) to random pictures on my phone. This is why photo apps are wonderful....just look how beautiful it makes every picture! It works on everything!
Kids!

Pets!

Nature!

Even food!

(this is a joke, in case you couldn't tell. sparkles do not belong on any of these.)
(ok, FINE. so that third one is currently my phone background. I really do love it.)

...I stay up much later than I should, just because it's quiet and I'm free to do whatever I want, and somehow going to bed feels like I'm giving up something precious. Unfortunately, come morning and all its demands, I always wish I HAD gone to bed. One would think I'd learn.

...I find myself craving more simplicity. And nature. Maybe a picnic and books on a blanket with my little ones, somewhere in a clearing in the middle of the woods, flowers and bees and babbling brooks and sunshine all included. Sigh.

...I play the songs from Pride and Prejudice on the piano and I imagine Mr. Darcy walking towards me across a field in the early morning light. (it's ok, my dear husband knows about my thing with Mr. Darcy... besides, it's a pretty common affliction among women, I think.)

...I just go ahead and put Bennett in the dog crate when he's causing too much trouble.

(CHILL OUT, I'M KIDDING. He just happened to crawl in there one day while I was putting on makeup around the corner, and like any sensible mother these days would do, I took a picture before I pulled him out and let him go on his free and merry way.)

...I wish I had unlimited time to pour into the people in my life. There's a lot of wonderful ones, and sometimes I feel woefully inadequate when it comes to loving them.

...I find it very easy to trust God. And sometimes, not so much. I'm so glad He doesn't depend on me for His plan to be fulfilled, because things would be a mess, otherwise.

...I have a good hair/makeup/outfit day. When this happens, I take a picture or two to document it. And then I send it to my dear sister Jerusha in Denver, since I know she loves to see my face randomly pop up on her phone (highlight of her day, I'm sure. obviously.) Besides, then I feel like my picture isn't going to waste! (does any of this make me vain??)

...I remember that I have a blog and that the purpose of having a blog is to post on it. Like today!
hello, internet world!! So glad we could reconnect for a wee bit. :)

a holiday hello

'Tis December (has been for twenty-one days now!) and the holiday season is full upon us, with Christmas only days away. And my poor little corner of the internet here has been sadly neglected. If only you could know the many posts that have been written in my head as the weeks fly by. They were rare gems of wit and wonder, filled to the brim with wonder and delight that would have astounded. (what? They're imaginary, they can be as amazing as I want. You don't know.)

This might not be news to you, but I have discovered that I am not one of those people who can keep up a charming and regular blog when life gets extra busy. I really admire those who can! But no, me, I cannot. And right now, life is definitely extra busy. Every year this time rolls around and every year I always feel like I'm more behind and last-minute than I should be. Except this year I also have a 5 1/2 month old who is no longer sleeping through the night and a 3-year old who has a stubborn streak in her a mile long, who fights me on every little thing. Truth be told, I'm worn out, and sometimes it's hard to find the desire to want to do all the things that should be done, much less to do them joyfully and make them fun.

But. The things that need to be done will get done. And if they don't, Christmas will still come. That is exactly what a little old lady said to me last Saturday when I played piano at a retirement home and was taking some time to visit afterwards. She looked at me as she sat there in her polyester pantsuit bedecked with poinsettias, shook a little wrinkled finger at me and said "Christmas will come this year again no matter what, and it'll come again next year, and we'll probably grumble and gripe about all sorts of things, but since it's going to come anyway, we might as well just enjoy it."

"...we might as well just enjoy it." Hmmm, that seems simple enough, but I know from experience that for some reason this time of year-- when our rejoicing should be  positively flowing out of us as we remember and celebrate the birth of our Savior, when there are so many good and lovely things surrounding us in our homes, when we are with the ones we love, when we are blessed with gifts both material and immaterial in so many ways--it is so easy to lose our joy.

I'm reminded almost daily, especially after the horrible and tragic heartbreak in Connecticut last week, to just slow down and take things in a little bit. Or, if I can't slow down, to at least have a joyful and thankful heart no matter what. So, in these days ahead leading up to Christmas, as I look at my to-do list that is still longer than I'd like, I'm going to do my best not to stress or snap, but to spread joy and share love, to rejoice minute-by-minute in God's mercies and graces, and to simply appreciate the amazing things around me, be they big or small.

Here are just a few of those things.
gingerbread toffee flavored coffee in a brand-new holiday starbucks mug.
the paper snowflakes that spin gently round as they hang above our bar.
rocking my son to sleep as he grips his blanky tight and I sing him Christmas carols.
watching White Christmas with my girls as we fold laundry by the light of the Christmas tree.
my girls spinning and dancing and twirling all over our living room to Michael Buble and his amazing Christmas music.
my sister filling the house with the smell of molasses cookies and the sound of Phil Wickham (yet another amazing Christmas album)
a sweet friend who willingly took all four kids so I could (mostly) finish christmas shopping.
stopping in at my husband's work on said shopping trip just so I could kiss him in the middle of the day.
mail that is chock full of happy smiling adorable Christmas cards from loved ones far and near.

...and I could go on. I could go on! Joy. It's there. :)

This holiday hello turned into more of a post than I really meant it to, but I'm glad I could take the time to sit down and write just a bit of my heart. That's another grace right there.

And to you, Merry Christmas, dear people. May these days be merry and bright and sparkly with a million joys, imperfectly wonderful and surprisingly lovely.

"God bless us everyone!" 
 That tiny Tim really knew how to put things.

days like this

waking early in the dark to feed a sleepy baby boy
a long before-breakfast walk with a best friend, conversation in the cold to start our day
morning snuggles on the couch with girls in pajamas
blueberry bagels and cream cheese, time with my Bible as I ate
the very rare occurence of a mid-morning nap on the couch with my boy while my girls played nicely and quietly
gray skies and rain outside, cool air through the windows, autumn everywhere
schoolwork with no rush to get done as the day lay before us, unhampered by scheduled things
a few episodes of Planet Earth with lunch, which totally counted as our science
yoga pants and a sweatshirt and undone hair instead of skinny jeans and a scarf and makeup
two cups of coffee, just because it sounded good
playtime outside with a little red-haired neighbor boy
lots and lots of coloring and drawing, papers strewn across the table and floor
the happy prospect of soup and biscuits for dinner

not a perfect day-- there were many poopy diapers, moments when Bennett screamed and wouldn't be quiet, melt-downs from Rosalie, fights and squabbles between the sisters, too much mess throughout the house, things that didn't get done, moments of frustration and weariness.
the kind of day one might refer to as "perfectly imperfect".
the kind of day that makes me thankful...
...for my four little ones.
...for autumn.
...for God's goodness and graces, big and small
...for peace, and quiet, and love, and the joys in our life.
...for home.

days like this are so good for my soul.

Written.

Last week, I bought myself a new journal from Target. It is pretty and pink, bound in a poppy-printed cover, and the fact that it's so pretty gives me great satisfaction (I have a seriousness weakness for journals and notebooks.) But even more exciting and wonderful to me is how thick it is with lined and blank pages. Just as if it is waiting for the words and thoughts to be poured out upon its pages. A space for my head and heart to speak, if only to myself and for remembrance's sake.


Since my pretty pink poppy journal entered my life one week ago, I have discovered how much I've missed really journaling. It's been so long since I've picked up a pen and written just to write, since I've truly taken the time to record thoughts and concerns, praises and prayers, what my life in a certain moment is like and what it brings to my mind. I needed this journal, and the space to write. I was shocked to realize today that I've filled nearly 30 pages already-- which would also explain why I keep going to bed far too late. The days and their busy-ness don't exactly lend themselves to time to write... so I stay awake long past when I should, my pen flying across the page, the words practically writing themselves, illumined by the light of my bedside lamp in the stillness of a house where all others are sleeping.

The other night, I wrote these words upon the page:
"I am so glad, so grateful, that it is my God, our heavenly Father, who is writing this story... This time is a chapter in it, and with Him as the Author, I need not worry or be afraid."

I've thought a lot about this truth in the past few days. I love to think about it, because it is a wonderful truth. A comforting thought.

In Jeremiah 29, the Lord declares "I know the plans I have for you."
In Hebrews 12, Jesus is called the "author and finisher of our faith."

Not only does He know what twists and turns each story, each life, will take... but He is the finisher. Our story is already written, and He is in it until the end. It continues day by day, each page covered with the fingerprints of grace and love, already written by Someone whose goodness towards us abounds, even when the plot might take a difficult turn or two.

It is already written. He knows the story, even when I don't, even if life and what comes next is breathtakingly unexpected. He's written it for me, for my husband, for my children, for the ones I love, for all of us.

And what a Writer He is. My own words are feeble and imperfect, my thoughts so unsure and jumbled... surely this blog post itself can attest to that.

But not God. His handwriting across our lives is more lovely than any scribe's, its content more pure and perfect than any sonnet could ever be.

I'm going to keep writing in my pink journal. And as I write, I will think, gladly, on the Author who is responsible for each new chapter in this life that we live.

The pages keep turning, the story keeps unfolding, and I know as certainly as spring will follow winter, that because He has written it, the end will be beautiful.

"with Him as the author, we need not worry or be afraid."
For this, my heart is thankful... beyond what words can write.

snippets.

~it's been three weeks since I last blogged! THREE WEEKS! I could have sworn it was only one or two. hmmm.

~today wraps up our first full week of school. I'm fully worn out, but also very thankful for how well things went. It's so good to feel like we accomplished a lot and are finding our groove. God is good! (and yes, I do plan on blogging more in-depth about the start of our third year of homeschooling. THIRD year! I could have sworn it was only one or two. hmmm.)

~my kids crack me up sometimes. yesterday while Emma and Annabelle were taking a shower they started beat-boxing and rapping. sadly, they seem to have inherited their mother's white-ness. the beat-boxing was followed by their rendition of an operatic aria. oh, beautiful.

~I ate Cap'n Crunch for breakfast this morning!

~my mom is coming to visit on Sunday. and we are very very excited! I miss her, the kids miss her, we all miss her, and we are going to soak her up every minute she's here.

~there's a delicious breeze running through our backyard this morning, that makes me think fall might actually maybe possibly be almost here. oh I hope, I hope, I hope.

~I have no pictures for this post, because every picture I've taken in the last few weeks, except for the ones I'll use for my school post, have been on my cell phone. and I'm too lazy to upload them right now. so. my sincerest apologies.

~my blog page needs a major update... I just realized I've had the same design for at least a year and a half. that's just sad.

~cinnamon rolls. I'm making cinnamon rolls later today. yes.

~I love people. and I love the variety of people God has given me in my life. I'm trying to learn better how to love them all in the biggest and best ways I can.... only by God's grace, of course. Loving isn't always easy, is it?

~my google account won't let me comment at all, not even anonymously, on certain blogs. Quite a lot of them, actually. Now, I'm usually not a great commenter these days anyway, but this little problem has actually stopped me from leaving lots of already-typed-out comments. See? I'm not neglecting you! it's the internet's fault. blame the internet.

~The number of times I yawned while writing this post: 12. I need coffee.

~this: "and let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galatians 6:9. a mantra of mine.

~happy Friday, friends, and may you have a delightful weekend. xoxoxo. :)

I'm here to tell you...

...that this is going to be a total cop-out post. I might as well be upfront about that. You can stop reading now if you like. BUT WAIT. what if I have some big announcement at the end or something?? Hmmm. Maybe you'd better keep reading after all. you never know!!

...that my hydrangeas are in full bloom and it makes me ridiculously happy. I've been cutting stems of the gorgeous hot-pink flowers and putting them in jars for my kitchen table, giving them away to people whenever I can. Ah, hydrangeas. They're loveliness captured in a blossom.

...that I made chocolate-drizzled peanut butter cookies tonight, and they were, if I do say so myself, quite yummy. Curses on me and my love of baking, for I shall never be thin again.

...that I miss blogging. May is such a busy, busy month, and it just doesn't seem to be something I have time for lately. Sad face.

...that this post should have pictures with it (because posts with pictures are just more fun), but alas, my camera and I have not been very close these days. I took some random pictures of Rosalie the other day and realized they were the first pictures I had taken that weren't phone pictures in at least a couple of weeks. More sad face. (I pledge to take as many pictures as I can this week!)

...that my 2nd annual piano recital with all my students is coming up on Tuesday, and I can't even tell you how excited I am for it. Seeing their accomplishment after all their (and my) hard work is just such a happy thing. I have the best piano students in the whole wide world, if you ask me.

...that while it breaks my heart to see so many wonderful people going through hard things all around me, it is always amazing and inspiring to see their faith and trust in God, even in the darkest hour. I know the Lord will not let them shine for nothing... and I can see how greatly He uses such moments and people.

...that if you should happen to stop by my house, you will most likely find it a mess. Because, well, you see, it's always a mess in some way or another. le sigh. I think we're running out of space. (but don't you let that stop you from coming by, if you want. I'll clear some laundry off the couch so we can sit down and chat, and you can help me eat the cookies I've probably just baked and am trying deperately not to eat. It'll be delightful.)

...that I absolutely love our puppy. Seriously, people. She's the cutest, sweetest little dog, and I love her to pieces. Our little Violetta.

...that I'm almost done with this post. Hang in there, you've almost made it! don't give up now!

...that Friday marked the one-year anniversary of the day we found out that my mom's tumor was completely gone. One year later, and she is still, as far as we can tell, cancer and lymphoma free. Cooking up a delicious storm for her family and friends. Filling pages of scrapbooks with fun pictures. Making a quilt for Rosalie. Teaching women's Bible study. Helping to start a pregnancy center in their town. Being there for her husband, kids, and grandkids. And I am still thankful every day. :)

...that God is good. yes indeed, my friends, He is gracious, and so so good. For all these reasons and more.

...good night, dear ones, good night!

she smiled and she stuck her hand in her pocket, for in it was joy. an abundance of joy, the same kind that can be found anywhere in any day but not every one can see. and she reached in and pulled some out, and handed it to the someone else who stood near. "here," she said. "I want YOU to have this. because, you see, joy is really the best when it's shared."

sweet thursday.

i woke up to rosalie crying in her crib because she had dropped her stuffed puppy, and the real puppy barking in the kitchen.
then we lingered over breakfast, the sister and I listening to music on my laptop and the girls reading library books.
some schoolwork was done, and someone lovely brought us starbucks iced tea. violet peed on the floor. then she pooped on the floor. the girls argued back and forth, over i know not what.
but then, we all packed up into the van, and we drove to the park, where there was no carpet for the pup to potty on and no reason for my children to fight.
three of my favorite people and i sat in the sun until it was too warm. talking. laughing. eating. enjoying each other while the kids played in the delicious spring weather.
we came home to a nap for a tired rosalie, and five piano students for me. we picked recital songs. i'm excited for may.

rosalie woke up from her nap a grumpy-pants. we sat outside on the patio for a while, with the late afternoon sun hitting our faces just right. cuddling. smooching. me soaking up my baby.


my hair was super frizzy today. i tried to put it up, but it wouldn't stay. strands escaping everywhere. but i gave myself a little braid and decided not to care, and felt cute anyway.
the husband came home. i love when he comes home. dinner was subway sandwiches, and i listened to songs from 500 days of summer while i drove home. i looked at the sun as it was setting, so orange and brilliant and lovely as it slipped into the horizon.
emma and annabelle made paper plate dolls (their idea, not mine) and gave them names. and cute lil' napkin dresses.

meet melinda abigail, and her friend, ella giselle.
i baked butterscotch cookies for the band boys who were making music out in the garage. my dirty, sandy, sun-soaked children needed baths and showers while they were in the oven.
rosalie pooped in the tub. again. note to self, do NOT give this child a bath unless she's already pooped for the day. there is almost always a floater or two involved. ewwww.
while i waited for the tub to drain so i could clean it out, violet and rosalie, all nakey, chased each other around the house. baby butts are awfully cute. so are happy puppies.
and when i got her out of the tub, for the second time, i discovered that a certain little puppy had pooped in the living room.
i don't like poop.

we hung out in our living room and ate fresh cookies. it was nice to be with friends. and the cookies were pretty good too.
i wrote a blog without using capital letters. i rambled (in case you didn't notice). but sometimes, rambling is really soothing.

not too long ago, i started keeping a thankfulness journal. before i go to bed i write down the things for which i was especially thankful on that day. it's been good for me. because, as i wrote on the first page of that journal, "even the most knock-down, drag-out, rough-and-tumble sort of day has a shiny gem or two to be plucked out of the dust and examined in gratitude and joy. you just have to look for them."
and some days aren't rough and tumble. lots of days aren't. some days aren't exceptionally amazing or stand-out. some days are just sweet.
a string of little events, pleasant or not, that make up the hours and the memories therein. like today.
today was sweet.
i liked today.
and God is good.
always.
:)

ten things.

one. Hi there!! Happy Wednesday to you, dear person!

first things first, you know.

Also, I should warn you that this post is entirely and completely random, with no semblance of order or proper segues whatsoever.

two. Annabelle is sick today. And while she is a poor sad little creature (she's hardly ever sick), and I feel badly for her of course (sick kids always make a mother's heart sad), I must say that today has been just what we needed. I cancelled all of my piano lessons, we stayed in our pj's and cuddled and watched movies on the couch, Emma and I did schoolwork while Annabelle slept, and I won't be rushing off to choir tonight. Usually Wednesdays are rush rush rush from one thing to the next, and today simply wasn't that way. A nice change of pace. Now if only my little pixie wasn't sick, it would have been perfect...

three. my brother Elijah sent me a box from Afghanistan which I received on Valentine's Day. Inside were SEVENTEEN beautiful hand-made scarves he bought over there. If you know me at all, you know how I love scarves, and the fact that these were from another country? and handmade? and from my little brother whom I miss dreadfully? Well, let's just say I was thrilled. absolutely thrilled. They're so lovely and gorgeous, and I love them all.

just a few of my favorites from the bunch.

four. that same brother gets to come home in LESS THAN A MONTH!! He's been in Afghanistan for nearly six months now, as a contracting officer for the Air Force, and I've been able to speak to him all of one time since he's been there. I haven't actually seen him since July of 2009. I miss him. A lot. I'm SOOOOO EXCITED TO SEEEEE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no, really, this sort of excitement merits capitalization and many exclamation points. Trust me.

five. When I fold laundry, I stack all of the bigger girls' underwear in their respective piles. Rosalie's new favorite thing to do is come along and take each of those pairs of underwear and put them on, one by one. Last night when I picked her up to put her in her seat for dinner, she had on no less than 12 pairs of underwear.

I'm not even sure how she managed that.

six. Confession: I am addicted to the show Psych. Shawn and Gus are one of my favorite duos of all time. Watching an episode on Netflix is the perfect little comedic indulgence while I fold laundry. They always make me laugh. "My name is Shawn Spencer, and this is my partner, Ovaltine Jenkins." Classic.

seven. My sister is getting married in thirty days! Not only am I so excited for that fact alone, but this also means I will be seeing all of my family (ALL of them!) in less than thirty days! happy dance!

eight. this:

she loves to draw on herself.

nine. and this:

this is the silly pose I got when I asked her to smile. hehe.

ten. and finally, last but not least, this:

blurry, but oh-so-darling. She was looking at family pictures and got really excited!

and voil`a! with those three (taken yesterday, when Annabelle wasn't a sickie), there's your cuteness dose for the day. tr`es bien.

eleven. (what. I felt like adding one more.) I like French. Someday I would like to learn how to speak it.

bonjour, mon ami. je m`appelle Claude. oui.

the end!

done and done.

Today was a very busy day. (as are most days, these days. Le sigh.) I think this is literally the first time I've sat down!

And yet... and yet....as I type this, my kitchen is a mess. There are towels sitting on my floor needing to be put away. There's laundry waiting in baskets to be folded... and it's been that way since mumble mumble monday mumble. I didn't get to those dishes sitting in the sink that needed to be washed today, and I'm pretty sure that I spotted four cobwebs in a corner of the living room earlier.

Sometimes, as a stay-at-home mom, it's hard to feel accomplished. So much of what we do is constantly being UNdone, and needs to be done again and again. Or, our day is taken up by tasks which can't be "checked off". We chase children round and round, trying to keep them entertained and out of trouble. We clean up one mess only to discover another, even bigger, mess in a different room. We wipe snotty noses, kiss bumped heads, change diapers, read stories, fix meals, fix snacks, discipline and teach lessons, praise artwork and accomplishments, listen to little voices tell us endless tales of important things in their world. Meanwhile, other things get pushed aside, time speeds by, the day ends, and we look around and think "why do I feel like I got nothing done today??"

On one particular day, a day where I felt especially behind, I decided to make an "already-done list". Sort of like a reverse to-do list, where instead of writing down what I had still to accomplish, I wrote down everything that I had already done that day. And you know what? It helped. It made me see that, even though my house was a mess and there were many things on my to-do list that didn't get crossed off, I had in fact accomplished much. The day had not been a waste, and I had done my job to the best of my ability and filled my time wtih good and necessary things, even if it was simply taking care of my children. The fact of the matter is that God only gives us so many hours in a day, and sometimes there's just no way we can do it ALL. And that's ok.

(You should try making a similar list sometime. I highly recommend it.)



And so, even though, as you can see, my house looks like a tornado ripped through it, I'm not going to bemoan today or what I didn't get done. I'm going to look on the bright side, and be happy that I...
.....finally got the vacuuming done (and the dusting too!).
.....got through a full day's worth of schoolwork with Emma, and even made time for some artwork, which she LOVES.
.....showered and got ready, including make-up and cute hair (please realize that this totally counts as an accomplishment, especially when one has a teething toddler).
.....taught four piano lessons.
.....cuddled and comforted the afore-mentioned teething toddler.
.....washed all the towels.
.....washed all of Rosalie's laundry.
.....washed the pillows on our couch, which had been looking sadly dingy for quite some time.
.....hung a few new things on our walls.
.....made my girls laugh when we had kissing wars.
.....tried for the first time ever, and succeeded at, baking shepherd's bread (my husband's favorite kind) from scratch. Hurrah!

and now, I'm going to eat some m&m's, watch a little bit of tv, and maybe fold some of that laundry.
Maybe.
Today's work might be done.
There's always tomorrow to fold those clothes.
And put away those towels.
And clean the kitchen.
And wash the dishes.
And get rid of  those cobwebs. oh, I hope I don't forget about the cobwebs!

:)

What's your "already-done list" for today?

overwhelmed.

One Friday, not too long ago, I was driving down the road in our minivan. It was mid-morning on a gray and dreary day, and the girls and I were headed out to run some errands. It had been such a long week, a very demanding week, and I was so tired and just done. I could feel tears lurking just behind my eyes, ready to fall at any moment.

Right then, a song came on. We were listening to Christmas music as we drove through town, trying to catch the happy Christmas spirit, and the song was "Silent Night" as sung by Mr. Josh Groban. That's all it took. The tears came. Something about the way he sings that song, and something about the words.... it got me. There I was, tired and overwhelmed, stressed and desperately wanting a break... (and let's be honest, I was probably feeling a bit sorry for myself too. boohoo.) But that song... oh, that song. It was the perfect reminder for me on that morning.

And it's still the perfect reminder for me now, weeks later, as we are only days away from Christmas and things have, if possible, gotten even more hectic and crazy.

As I type right now, I have no less than three baskets of laundry waiting to be folded and put away.

I still have to finish Christmas shopping.

I haven't gotten my baking done yet.

There is not a single present wrapped to put under our tree.

I have four homemade gifts I still need to finish.

There are boxes of gifts waiting to be sent off, which means a trip to the post office.

My Christmas cards still need to be sent out (which I will do, as soon as I actually get them!)

And that, my friends, is really just the short list.

I am overwhelmed.

How many of you are feeling the same way right now? It seems like December always does this to us, doesn't it? The holidays should be such a time of joy and peace and soaking up the sweetness of having loved ones near... a time for rest and reflection, for remembering what's important. But instead, we end up with 10 millions things to do and no time in which to do it, stressed out and frazzled, running around like chickens with our heads cut off while the loveliness of Christmas passes us by... hiding in the bathroom with a book and a piece of chocolate just so you can have a little break, a little peace and quiet.

(you've all done that, right? No? That last one is just me? ahem. nevermind.)

I'm doing my best NOT to let this season pass me by, not to let the craziness and stress swallow me whole and leave me exhausted. I'm hoping and praying that, by God's grace, I will keep myself together and focus on the wonderful things for which I am grateful. I am choosing to be overwhelmed... but in a completely new and different way.

Overwhelmed by my girls, and their childish delight over every little thing that happens in this holiday season. By the fact that I get to spend every day with them, soaking them up and loving them no matter what.

Overwhelmed by the beauty of winter, with its snow and (for us) rain, its quiet peacefulness and somber gentility.

Overwhelmed with thankfulness that, one year after my mom was diagnosed with her lymphoma, she is healthy and fine, here with us and more lovely than ever. And, she and my other family will be here in a matter of days!

Overwhelmed by my husband, who puts up with me and my craziness and grumpiness. I love him.

Overwhelmed by the sheer number of amazing people we have in our lives to love, both friends and family... and by just how really wonderful they are.

Overwhelmed by the loveliness of everything around me, from the sounds of the Christmas music we play to the twinkly lights we string here and there and everywhere.

Overwhelmed by how much I love my pajamas, and by the fact that this time of year is so cozy and I get to wear them quite often, all the time. (I really do love my pajamas. And slippers. We're MFEO.)

Overwhelmed by the goodness of God.

Overwhelmed by thankfulness.

By contentment.

By delight.

By joy, pure and simple.

And most of all, overhwelmed by the truth of what it is that we celebrate in this season, the truth of that silent night so long ago.

Silent night, holy night,

All is calm, all is bright

Round yon virgin mother and child.
Holy infant so tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night, holy night,
Shepherds quake at the sight,
Glories stream from heaven afar,
Heavely hosts sing alleluia;
Christ the Saviour, is born!
Christ the Saviour, is born!

Silent night, holy night,
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth.
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth.

just in case I don't get a chance to say it later:

Merry Christmas, to each and every one of you.

I hope you are overwhelmed by joy and delight. :)

xoxo

delightful things.

Well, hello there.
It's been a little while, hasn't it?
I did so well, blogging every day for fashion week.... and then, nothing.
Life called loudly and insistently, and in order to meet it, I had to run, hop skip, and jump away from the internet and all the time-consuming wonders it holds.

But, I'm back today for a wee little bit, just to share with you some happy little things that are making me smile lately. :)

*shopping at Anthropologie. Just the other day, I got to set foot in one of the stores for the first time in years. I may or may not have swooned. And I may or may not have splurged and bought myself something. (I did. just for the record.)

*birthdays. Today is the 21st birthday of a certain dear girl. I'm so excited when lovely people have birthdays, because it's just so much fun to celebrate them. And by "them", I mean the birthday and the person!

*chilly weather. The weather has suddenly and most wonderfully turned cold. This means snuggling up under a thick comforter at night and feeling oh-so-cozy and tucked-away, little girls clad in footsie pajamas, and scarves and sweaters galore. It also means...

*the red cups are back at Starbucks! hooray!

*getting our family pictures taken. It's something we've never done since Rosalie was born. (This was the last time. Quite a lot has changed since then, wouldn't you say?)

Just a bit of a sneak peek for you. I am dying to see the rest of them. Lorie is simply amazing. But more on that later, when I'm able to show you the rest! Eeeep!

*watching Pride and Prejudice (the newer one, with Keira Knightley). It just so happens to be one of my most favorite movies ever. It's so beautifully done. Also: Mr. Darcy. Need I say more?

*writing notes on pretty notecards. Lately I've been taking the time to write more notes, and it's so lovely. I adore the feel of a pen going across the paper with words for someone I love, knowing it might bring a little extra sweetness to their day.

*enjoying some much-needed and longed-for sister time.

My Lyddie-Lou is in town for ten days, and I'm loving every minute of it, as are my girls. We would like to keep Auntie Lydia for always, please.
(If only I could see the rest of my family now, I'd be even happier than happy!)

I look at my happy list and can't help but think how good our God is, even in the little things.

And now, I would love to hear your happy list, my friend!

hello, Wednesday.

my brain is fried today. I think it's a combination of lack of sleep (thanks to Rosalie who did not sleep well AT ALL last night), and this heat we are currently experiencing. Oh, this heat. One-hundred-degree weather in July or August is one thing. It's summer, and it's expected. We can embrace the heat, using it as an excuse for trips to the beach and carefree days in the swimming pool. But 100-degree heat now, at the end of September, when October is nearly upon us, and autumn has been teasing us with the promise of cool weather and all the delights it brings... well, it's just offensive, that's what it is. I realize that the good Lord knows what He's doing, but...have mercy. If we don't get cool weather soon, I'm going to cry. Or, move. Preferably, somewhere with a bracing chill in the air and crunchy colorful leaves underfoot and hot chocolate aplenty.

sigh.

So, since my brain is fried, and I have no actual writing capabilities, what you get from me today is some would-likes. "Wednesday would-likes", if you will. Wonderful and willy-nilly with a hint of whimsy and wistfulness. Wow, watch out, world, I'm on a woll! ...er, ROLL.

to be fair, I DID tell you that my brain is fried. This is the sort of thing you should have been expecting.

Also, I'm sprinkling this post with random pictures of autumn that make me catch me breath and sigh in longing. It's both wonderful and tortuous at the same time...

Here we go. finally.
I would like...

...for autumn to GET HERE ALREADY. Oh wait, I already mentioned that once or ten times. Moving on.

...to be a more patient person.
...to have unlimited travel funds so I could see all of the dear friends and family I miss so much in far-away places.
...to go on a date with my husband. Or, better yet, a get-away of some sort. I think a little bed-and-breakfast in Cambria would do the trick. Yes, indeed.
...to spend a day simply making things. I miss crafting and being creative...I need that every once in a while.
...to become a better musician.
...to love others better and more often.
...to eat pumpkin bread.

...to spend more time in prayer with my Heavenly Father.
...to gather all of my amazing girlfriends up in one place (including many of you!!) and have a girls' night like no other.
...to feel caught up. (does anyone ever really feel caught up?)
...to count my blessings. But I don't think I actually could, because there are far too many!

...to cuddle up with a good book and do nothing but read all day long.
...to cuddle up with my children and do nothing but watch movies all day long.
...to be more disciplined.
...to be surrounded by trees and nature and beauty and to simply wander in it all day long.

...to have our family pictures taken again. (Hi, Lorie, I'm going to call you soon!)
...to learn how to make donuts. And then, I would like to eat them.
...to surprise people in thoughtful ways.

...to know, dear friends,
what are some of your "Wednesday would-likes"?

tonight, i am...

...absolutely and completely in love with the weather. It's cool and breezy and teases of autumn. Which makes me quite excited.

...really looking forward to wearing scarves and cardigans again, speaking of fall.

....dreming of delicious and warm coffee drinks in red cups. More autumn/cold-weather fever.

...playing hooky from choir. It was the kids' first night back at Awana and today was definitely a rush-rush-rush sort of a day, so I decided to stay home. And get in my pj's before 8:00. I love choir, but tonight I love my pj's just a little bit more.

....a wee bit sad because I'm almost done watching season 2 of Pushing Daisies (an episode here and there when I can has been my fun little me-time lately)... and then, that's it. There isn't any more. Why-ever did they stop making that show? It's so fun and imaginative and quirky and colorful. I want more of Ned and Chuck and Olive. boo.

...thankful that our first week of school is going well... it's so good to be back in a routine! (and yes, I do plan on blogging about it, have no fear!)

...thinking how silly I am to be sad about the fact that I only got six comments on my last blog. Long-gone are the days of comments just pouring in on a post. Like I said, it's ridiculous to be sad, but seriously, I'm giddy when I receive comments. I know, I'm pathetic. But I can't really complain, because I myself am not nearly the comment-er that I used to be, now that life is so busy... and I know it's the same for everyone else too. So as long as you all still have a place in your heart for little ol' me, I promise not to take it personally. Because I still love you, readers. I just felt the need to say that, I think it bears repeating. :)

...wishing for a visit from my family. I miss them, ever so much.

...itching to sew something. Methinks I'll have a date with my sewing machine this weekend!

...loving the music of Andy Kirk. His songs are so great, so full of worship and praise. If you haven't heard of him, do yourself a favor and look him up!

...rather thrilled that tomorrow holds Emma's first piano lesson, with our good friend Ryan who's an amazing pianist. I can't wait to hear her play songs and watch her learn something I love so much.

...wondering what book I should read next. I just finished Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass. So endearingly odd and amazingly imaginative. I really enjoyed them both.

...done being on this computer and am going to go cuddle with my children and smooch on my hubby. In my pj's. Ah, lovely night.

Farewell, daaaarlings, I hope you had a most happy and wonderful Wednesday!!

these are a few of my favorite things

a cheery new flowery tablecloth to brighten the kitchen

long walks and even longer conversations with a dear best friend

teal nail polish

my new Liberty of London top (I also got this one. They were on clearance! happy happy!)

thanks for taking my picture, Emma Joy

this verse:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong, and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

and this one:
"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23

Running to Muse's new album

this silly little girl and her new phase of funny faces and attitudes. She's a hoot.


wonderful friends who have birthdays and invite you to a swanky hotel to party till midnight (till midnight? who are these wild people?? I hardly knew us.)

egg/salsa/avocado wraps for lunch

new piano books

picking rose buds from my garden and then watching them bloom on my kitchen table

what are a few of your favorite things these days, my dears?

forgive me, I realize this is a cop-out post, something to fill the space ... but I'm really busy this week getting ready for my mom and sisters to come on Thursday. whee!! :)

today, I am...

...glad to be home.

....laughing at myself, because as of right now I have 4 other major events that I've been meaning and wanting to blog. But instead of writing any of those, I'm doing this silly little one. Hey, it's my blog. I'll write what I want, when I want. hehe. (even though Lydia is probably very upset with me right now. loveyousister)

... absolutely in love with my garden. Roses are blooming profusely, watsonia are coming out in glorious bunches, the smell of jasmine fills the backyard, my clematis is about to burst forth in bigger and better blooms than ever, and the camellia bush has given me lovely and luxurious pink flowers. Ah, little garden, you make me happy.


... feeling rather sick. My head, it hurts. My throat, it is on fire. (can someone please bring me a super-duper sized milkshake? Minus the 1,000 calories? Thanks.) Today was supposed to be a day of actually going to the gym, lots of schoolwork and piano students, AWANA and errands. Instead, we are napping and watching movies while I do a load of laundry here and there and try to prevent my house from falling into complete and utter disarray. Which it has a special knack of doing whenever I am the least bit ill. hmmm.

....so glad that my Emma, who started us off on our sickie day this morning by throwing up, seems to be feeling MUCH better now.

... relishing the peace and quiet that fills my little house right now. It's a rare thing, and thus very treasured.

... wondering if/how/when I should chop off my hair....!

...missing my husband. If only he could come home right now and snuggle with me while we watch Sherlock Holmes and Glee (two things I've been waiting very patiently to see). But I suppose I am quite thankful for the fact that he has a job at which to be.... Yes, I am. ;)

... extremely beyond-words thankful for the fact that Mom has been doing so well with her radiation treatments. Today is #15 out of 25, and so far the bad side effects have been minimal. PRAISE GOD.

... listening to the sound of my dishwasher running. It doesn't matter how messy the rest of the house may be or what other chores have yet to be done; when the dishwasher is humming merrily along I can't help but feel so accomplished and industrious. Such a nice little boost! (am I the only one who feels this way? am I weird?)

... incredibly excited and happy because my mom and sisters will be flying into California on May 6, and they will be here for at least 2 weeks. I will finally get to pamper and take care of my mom to my heart's content, the girls will get to enjoy grandma and aunties... it will be SO wonderful. Also: sister-time!! Not to mention, Dean and Sam are coming too. Hoo boy oh boy! (yes, that's right: Supernatural. I blame my sisters for my falling in love with the Winchesters.)

... done rambling at you all, and going to go do some of this myself now.

(isn't she so sweet? I simply had to include this picture, taken yesterday when Annabelle was quite tuckered out.)

Happy Wednesday to you all, my lovelies! xoxo

A letter to Wednesday.

Oh, Today... you sly little thing, you. You whispered all sorts of promises about the things I would get done and how lovely it all would be, and then BAM! you gave me an incredibly grumpy (and LOUD) baby who refused to nap for any length of time or be set down for more than 5 minutes. How rude.

But, even so, I forgive you, Today. Because even though my youngest darling made me want to rip my hair out of my head and stuff it in my ears, you still managed to redeem yourself. Here's why:

I somehow, miraculously and remarkably, was able to finish a painting project that I've been wanting to do since, oh, September. And now I have a funky blue chair (pictures to come) that I absolutely love. Looking at it makes me rather happy.

Emma was a willing worker for school today. And although we hardly accomplished any (thanks to aforementioned cranky baby), what little we did get done was pleasant.


I got to see my niece's face light up in one of her trademark grins when we delivered birthday balloons to her. My newly-five-year-old Faithie makes me smile.

There were new library books to be perused, which made this little girl, aka She-Whose-Hair-Will-Not-Be-Combed, quite happy and delighted.


Bakery muffins for breakfast. Need I say more?

The sun shone almost all day long, and the girls were actually able to play outside while I gave piano lessons. YAY.

And while Rosalie was a handful-and-a-half, she did have a few moments of happiness and contentment, in which she of course managed to win me over again. Just look at her riding her little horsey! It's a good thing she's so incredibly cute. (this very thought entered my mind no less than twenty times today, and possibly about a hundred.)


But, the very best thing about you, Today, is that my mom had another MRI done. And that MRI showed us that her tumor has SIGNIFICANTLY and impressively shrunk in size. There's not much left of it at all! This is good news. GREAT news. And while this does not mean it's all over and behind us, it does give us hope and reassure us that we are indeed moving forward. She will continue to receive chemo treatments until the tumor is completely gone; there's another MRI scheduled for March. The doctor wants to make sure that the tumor (lymphoma) is completely gone... because the thing about these lymphomas is that they have a nasty tendency to come back again (something I honestly try not to think about too much). My mom still needs lots of prayers, as we don't know what all may still lie ahead and there are many things she's dealing with as side effects from all this treatment... but we'll take any positive news that comes and rejoice in it!

So, Today, you might not have been exactly what I had planned on. And you may not have been the very best of your kind. But, dear Today, I don't mind... because I know you were exactly the way you were supposed to be. And for that, I will not thank YOU, Today... rather, I will thank my oh-so-loving, gracious God and Father, the giver of all good things and Perfect Planner of every circumstance. He is immensely good and wonderful, even, or should I say especially, in the midst of teething babies and brain tumors.

Hello, strangers.

My poor little blog. It's suffering. Not from lack of posts I could write (I've got about 1983357.5 I should be writing)... no, this is from a pure lack of TIME. Honestly, I think I've been in catch-up/recovery mode the last couple weeks, from the holidays, from all the birthdays, and basically from the whole month of December. I'm slowly but surely getting us back into our usual routine, getting schoolwork accomplished again and making time for all those things that fell by the wayside in the past month (you know, like the gym and, oh, CLEANING MY HOUSE.) I've still got lots and lots of catching up to do when it comes to getting everything organized again, and the number of projects I'm positively itching to do (MUST.PAINT.SOMETHING.) does not bode well for that whole house-cleaning thing, but at least the Christmas decorations are down and I've found out that my child does indeed remember how to add and subtract. hurrah!!

Anyway, I do promise to post something substantial soon, with pictures and everything, but for today I wanted to do something rather fun. I just found out via the charming Ashley at Our Little Apartment that it's National Delurking Day! I've had my blog for almost 3 years now, and I've never had an official "delurking" here... even though I've always wanted to.



So, in honor of today, I invite you to make yourself known! Whether you're brand new to my little corner of the blogosphere or have been reading along (sounds so much better than "stalking", don't you think??) for quite some time now, I'd love to know who you are. It's always thrilling to discover new blogs to read and make some new bloggy friends too... I would be delighted to make your accquaintance. :)

Need an ice-breaker? Tell me, what is one of your favorite winter-time memories, new or old? Do you live where it's cold? How do you spend the days indoors? Can I offer you a cup of tea??

Come on in, sit down, and let the delurking begin. HI!!

ps. lovely-people-whom-I-already-know, don't be shy, you can play along too. You know I always always love hearing from you!

tonight, I am...

... a little bit shocked, because I so did not realize it had been two weeks since I last blogged! It doesn't feel like two weeks. But two weeks it is. And, I'm ok with that.

...super excited because Glee is back!! Call me a "gleek" if you wish, I don't care... I need my song and dance fix. Wednesday nights are way more fun with that show. And that's how Talia "C's" it.

... loving the fact that it was cool and slightly overcast today. I even put on a sweater!

... wondering where the time went today. It feels as if nothing got done! But, we did accomplish all of the day's schoolwork and I had three piano students... well, fancy that, I guess I DID get something done!

... listening to Rosalie talk herself to sleep in her crib and absolutely adoring it. This kid gets cuter every day.

... feeling a wee bit lonely. I think it's because I miss my sisters. A lot.

... wondering why we even have dressers. Because, in all honesty, our clothes sit (folded all nice and neatly, at least) in clothes baskets pretty much until I absolutely need to put them away so I can use the baskets for the next round of laundry! Note to self: PUT AWAY THE CLOTHES. NOW.

... absolutely in love with the music of JJ Heller. Have you heard of her? If not, go here and listen. The music is lovely and she is so talented, but it's her lyrics that get me. They've had me thinking and singing and praising all day long as they run through my head, and it's wonderful. (thank you, Karen, for telling me about her!)

... desperately wanting to eat something sweet (you know, other than the Tootsie Roll I already had). And trying very hard not to give in. Maybe I should go brush my teeth.

... slightly encouraged upon finding out when I got on the Wii Fit today that I had lost 3.5 pounds since my last time using it. Of course, that was over 100 days ago, but at least it's something!

... thinking on this verse: "I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me diligently will find Me" (Prov. 8:17) and realizing that I need to be- I crave to be- so much more diligent at seeking Him. Daily.

... smiling at the memory from earlier today of Emma calling an apostrophe a "catastrophe" and Annabelle stopping in the middle of play just so she could hug all over Rosalie. Children are delightful (usually).

... noticing that my husband looks awfully cute and cozy sitting on our couch with our big fuzzy blanket. What are lists and blog posts when one could be cuddling? I'm off to join him.

good night, good night! she said with a wave of her hand and a kiss on the air