This will be no finely crafted blog post, no sparkly gem in your reader. In fact, it's not even going to have a picture with it. (I'm sorry. But to completely honest, I'm not even sure if I've taken any good pictures lately... hmmm....)
This is simply a late-at-night, thoughts-are-swirling-in-my-head, it's-been-way-too-long-since-I've-blogged kind of post.
This is me, just trying to put something on this page, memories that I don't want to be washed away in the wake of busy days and too much doing.
The days are indeed flying by (something I say much too often, I'm sure, but it remains true), with never a dull moment. Everyday consists of schoolwork with Emma (3rd grade) and Annabelle (1st grade), plus an eager (and sometimes demanding) preschooler in Rosalie. Nursing Bennett and going from one method of keeping him happy to the next, since he still refuses to sleep for longer than 20 minutes. Trying not to let my house fall into a state of hopeless disarray. Making snacks, lunch, more snacks, cooking dinner. Attempting to stay on top of laundry (note I said "attempting"). Simply being a mom, a wife, a homemaker-- all demanding jobs, as anyone who has done any of them can attest to. There are so many facets to each one of these jobs, so many little things throughout the day that are a part of each one. Add to all of this the fact that I started piano lessons again with my 11 students-- I missed them, I really did-- and I literally feel like there is not a moment to spare.
I love it though, it's true.
I love being a mom.
I love being a wife.
I love our home and caring for it.
I love homeschooling.
I love my piano students.
I'm more thankful than I can say for the life I've been blessed with. Today as I cleaned my kitchen a beautiful arrangement of an old hymn came on my Pandora station, and something clicked within me and I felt the tears come to my eyes, I was so overwhelmed with thankfulness, for SO much. God has been incredibly gracious to me.
But sometimes, just sometimes, as the days, weeks, months, fly by, I'm hit with a panicky feeling that it's all going too fast, that I'm not going to be able to grasp onto the precious things and hold them tight (and that there's so much more I should be doing, but that is an entirely separate blog post).
So, tonight, as I sit here in bed waiting for my laundry to be done, a sleeping husband beside me and a softly snoring baby nearby, I write of the precious things. Here I can grasp them and set them down in words, so that they won't slip away quite so easily.
...the look on Annabelle's face when yet another tooth pops out of her mouth, and hers and Emma's excitement when they find money and fairy-glitter under their pillow come morning. (we've been losing a lot of teeth 'round these parts lately!)
...nursing Bennett in the dim light and still quiet of early morning, just him and me, his fuzzy head so soft and so warm, his eyes still buttoned up in sleepiness as he eats. This kid isn't always the best nurser, so I treasure these early morning times with my boy, even if I would still like to be asleep.
...spending a beautiful afternoon at the park on a blanket with a sister, catching up on our busy lives and rejoicing in each other's company as our children play.
...making it to church by the seat of our pants, and being blessed with worship and song, a message of hope and truth.
...going on a walk with my husband, holding hands as we walk along in the dark, sharing a hug under a streetlamp and getting a chance to just talk.
...an impromptu morning of coffee and conversation and fresh-baked pumpkin muffins on our first real fall day with a dear friend.
...Rosalie's smile, her songs, her way of talking, her whole little self that I just want to wrap up and keep exactly the way she is right now. She's the one I really see growing and changing so much right now, getting bigger and older all the time. It makes me a wee bit sad for my Roo-girl to be growing up.
...singing silly songs on the couch one evening, not caring how I sound but loving the looks on my kids' faces and the giggles they're having at the expense of their goofy mama.
...the girls bringing me flowers from outside, where it is finally cool enough for them to play for as long as they want.
...Bennett's huge smiles when he catches sight of me as he sits in his bumbo while we do schoolwork around him. His squeals, his coos, his adorable face and big blue eyes.
...sharing conversations with my Emma, who is becoming more of a companion and helper to me as she grows.
...watching my girls dance in the living room in their dress-up clothes, loving that they play together every day and always have some new game going on.
There's more too. So much more. But my eyes are sleepy and my laundry is done. And I know I could never even attempt to capture ALL the beautiful little graces that are sprinkled throughout my busy days.
They are many indeed, so much more than I deserve.