I know that I've mentioned my "baby fever" several times on here. But there is one thing I've NOT told you about.
I've been worried.
You see, Jeremy and I have been wanting and trying to have a baby since last October. But ever since a little before then, my body has been doing some weird things. I've skipped periods completely. Sometimes I would go 50-65 days between cycles. And lately, that's been the way it is EVERY time. After doing a bit of research, I found that there were several reasons why this might be, why my body would be departing from it's "normal" schedule. None of the reasons were good for a woman who is trying to get pregnant, obviously. And then there is the emotional rollercoaster each month took me on-- "It's been 45 days now, maybe I AM pregnant!" Take a test, it's negative. Two weeks later, still no period. "Maybe the other test was just too early"... so I take another one. Still negative. And then, after even another test a week later, my period finally arrives, defeating my hopes for that time around.... only to have the exact same thing happen the NEXT time around. You do not even want to know how many pregnancy tests I've taken in the past 9 months. I even took one two weeks ago-- negative, of course.
Finally, I made a doctor's appointment. Yesterday, on day 68 of no period, I went in. They took my blood pressure, read my pulse, asked for a urine sample, and then sent me into the room to wait.
So I sat and I waited, sitting on the table, wrapped in the clumsy paper sheet, looking at my feet and wishing it was just a few degrees warmer in there.
I waited, and I was nervous. I've never been to the doctor before because I thought something was wrong with me. What would they say to me? Would they want to do a bunch of tests? My insides were quivering. "What if something IS wrong? What if I can't have a baby right now? What will we do?"
I needed to pray. "God, help me to trust You. Please let everything be ok, but if it's not, help me to trust You. I know You know what's best."
There was a knock on the door, and the doctor entered the room, introducing herself with a smile. She sat down and kindly said "So tell me why you're here today and what I can do for you."
I knew exactly what I needed to tell her, all my concerns and fears-- I had even written down all my previous cycle dates so she could she what I meant. She listened, nodding her head and mm-hhmm-ing every now and then. Then, she put her hand up and stopped me. "You know, I wouldn't really worry about all that."
"Excuse me? I'm concerned here, lady..." my thoughts protested.
"Really????!!!" I'm pregnant. I wanted to put my head in my hands and cry for the joy and sheer surprise of it, and that is just what I did when she had left the room a few minutes later.
Oh, thank you, thank you, Lord.