That's me these days, in a nutshell. Creatively lacking... seriously. When it comes to cooking, when it comes to projects, when it comes to finding fun things for my kids to do, when it comes to blogging (OBVIOUSLY).... I am like a well run dry, completely out of ideas of any sort.
Or, maybe it's not that there aren't any ideas there, it's just that they are not finding fruition in my current state. Because, you know, that would take actual work on my part. :) I have a list of projects to do that is a mile long, I watch the Food Network and think "hmmm, I could make that", or I make plans to go to the fountain at the Marketplace with the kids and then just don't go. Not to mention the 1,895,347 blogs I've written in my head as I've fallen asleep the past few months. Too bad you didn't get to read any of them, some of them were actually quite good!
I must admit, at the risk of sounding like I'm complaining (which I'm really NOT trying to do) that I am tired of being tired. I miss looking back at my day come bedtime and feeling that sense of accomplishment and productivity. I miss looking around my house and seeing not only that it is clean, but that there is something new and pretty from my hands for my family to enjoy. I miss coming into this place here, this little blogging nook of mine, and pouring out stories and thoughts.
The other day I came across this passage in Psalms, on a day when I was feeling particularly useless, and it was just what I needed; it really comforted and encouraged me.
"O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways." (139:1-3)
He knows! He knows my lying down, not only when or how long, but why. He knows my thoughts. All those thoughts, silly or serious, in my head. They may not have made it onto this page for you all to see, but HE knew them.
There are so many of you out there who I know must be feeling the same way, and probably even to a greater extent-- my dear pregnant girls, of course, but not only them. Maybe you've simply had a really hard, exhausting week. Maybe there is something being demanded of you right now that you're just not sure you can give. There could be a million reasons... I don't know, but like this beautiful Psalm says, God does. And I pray that you will find just the encouragement you need at just the right time. It so often happens that way, thanks to God's grace-- isn't it a lovely thing to be encouraged??
I won't elaborate further right now, but I will say that the Lord is using this "still" time in my life for a purpose of His own. Not only to grow that wonderful little one inside of me, but to teach me some much-needed lessons, as well. He is teaching me, even when in my selfishness I've rebelled against the way I feel, and have forgotten to simply be grateful for the miracle that is happening within me. This time of not being myself is needed-- if He has given it to me, then I know I need it. It's as simple as that.
How fitting that the last two verses in that very same Psalm make this plea:
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Amen to that.