Sunday, September 7, 2008

Creatively Challenged

That's me these days, in a nutshell. Creatively lacking... seriously. When it comes to cooking, when it comes to projects, when it comes to finding fun things for my kids to do, when it comes to blogging (OBVIOUSLY).... I am like a well run dry, completely out of ideas of any sort.

Or, maybe it's not that there aren't any ideas there, it's just that they are not finding fruition in my current state. Because, you know, that would take actual work on my part. :) I have a list of projects to do that is a mile long, I watch the Food Network and think "hmmm, I could make that", or I make plans to go to the fountain at the Marketplace with the kids and then just don't go. Not to mention the 1,895,347 blogs I've written in my head as I've fallen asleep the past few months. Too bad you didn't get to read any of them, some of them were actually quite good!

I must admit, at the risk of sounding like I'm complaining (which I'm really NOT trying to do) that I am tired of being tired. I miss looking back at my day come bedtime and feeling that sense of accomplishment and productivity. I miss looking around my house and seeing not only that it is clean, but that there is something new and pretty from my hands for my family to enjoy. I miss coming into this place here, this little blogging nook of mine, and pouring out stories and thoughts.

The other day I came across this passage in Psalms, on a day when I was feeling particularly useless, and it was just what I needed; it really comforted and encouraged me.
"O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways." (139:1-3)

He knows! He knows my lying down, not only when or how long, but why. He knows my thoughts. All those thoughts, silly or serious, in my head. They may not have made it onto this page for you all to see, but HE knew them.

There are so many of you out there who I know must be feeling the same way, and probably even to a greater extent-- my dear pregnant girls, of course, but not only them. Maybe you've simply had a really hard, exhausting week. Maybe there is something being demanded of you right now that you're just not sure you can give. There could be a million reasons... I don't know, but like this beautiful Psalm says, God does. And I pray that you will find just the encouragement you need at just the right time. It so often happens that way, thanks to God's grace-- isn't it a lovely thing to be encouraged??

I won't elaborate further right now, but I will say that the Lord is using this "still" time in my life for a purpose of His own. Not only to grow that wonderful little one inside of me, but to teach me some much-needed lessons, as well. He is teaching me, even when in my selfishness I've rebelled against the way I feel, and have forgotten to simply be grateful for the miracle that is happening within me. This time of not being myself is needed-- if He has given it to me, then I know I need it. It's as simple as that.

How fitting that the last two verses in that very same Psalm make this plea:
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Amen to that.


Lydia said...

What a wonderful blog! You're an inspiration to everyone! And I know you're tired but I think you're doing a great job! I wish I was there so I could help you with everything.
Those verses always lift me up. That song on the Judy Rogers Psalm cd is my favorite. So peaceful and calming.
Thanks for writing this dear sister! I'll keep praying for you and that precious thing inside of you! Love you

Lisa said...

Oh I so needed this!

There are about a million things I want to get done around here, but I just don't have the energy. And like I wrote about my Saturday, when I was forced to just rest for two hours that was so hard to do! I wanted to be back up and cleaning floors, the kitchen, bathrooms, etc. But I needed to rest.

kourtini said...

Never a truer word spoken. ;)
One morning you're going to wake up and have energy to spare. You're going to have a wonderfully productive day and sit back at the end of it and sigh with JOY. It may only be for 1 day, but it will be worth it!!!

Ryan, Angela and Peyton said...

You have a great heart Talia, I love reading your blog =) You will soon have more energy than you will know what to do with =) Relax right now!

The Thompson Family said...

What a beautiful post and verse. God is good. I totally remember feeling like you do, it's hard! I pray that you enjoy this time as much as possible. It won't last much longer.

Band of Brothers said...

As I recently wrote in my comment section about you....You DEFINITELY have the gift of encouragement. I encourage you to keep using it!!! Your words always bring such joy to your readers. You weigh your words so thoughtfully and carefully. You are a very special young lady!

So, no matter your condition, your gift is still with you. I know it feels lousy to feel unproductive. I struggle with that myself. But, a good friend once told me that as long as my children are LOVED, fed, and somewhat clean, then I have done a great job that day. I remember how hard it was being pregnant with Ollie, trying to raise Finn and Calvin. I lay on the couch and yacked till 20 weeks,and my house was a MESS. I could not imagine what would happen when baby arrived. And Ollie has taken us by storm, but we would not have it any other way!

Btw, my house is still pretty messy most days...oh how clean it used to be long ago...but I would much rather hear the noisy clatter of my boys than those days of silence.

Sunny said...

Talia, you have a way with words! I think everyone has times like this but you will get through it. Take the time to have quiet moments with the girls and just enjoy what you can. This too will pass and you'll get back in the swing of things soon. I'll be praying for you! Just grow that baby and we'll anticipate your (regular) return to the blogging world when you can! Love and hugs.

*CPA* Su said...

I agree with all of these ladies, YOU are truly an inspiration! The way you turn to the Word is wonderful and the fact that you share with us the things you discover is truly a gift for all of us!

Sarah Marie said...

Hey girlie!
After reading this I just thought (as I always do after reading your posts or one of your lovely comments you leave me) about how you have such a big, kind heart ... You are such a sweetie -- take your time and relax and grow that baby, do your own personal growth -- the internet and all your bloggy buddies will be waiting for you! I totally know what you mean about wanting to write 1,225,345 blog posts - and thinking about them before bed but never getting them written. AH! I need way more time in my day!

Misty said...

I love this post. Honestly. With every word I was speaking (out loud) "Oh my gosh, yes. yes, I know..." Which, is why I read your blog.
I identify.
Thank you for inspiring me this morning, and allowing God to use you to bring some peace as well...

Jerusha Abigail said...

you're probably one of the most uplifting and inspiring people i know, seriously. what an amazing big sister i have! :) what great verses! and so very very true! i just love reading through the psalms, they're so beautiful and they speak so true to you as well. i'm sure you'll be ready and raring in no time at all! little bertie will be here before we know it. :)
i love you, sister sister!

anna joy said...

ah, thank you. i'm not the only one then? how encouraging!